Life Lessons: The Landlord
By Shahlin Graves
Jess exploits her [adorkable] beauty-privilege in this week's episode of 'New Girl', entitled 'The Landlord'.
This week we learned that...
- Jess has the ability to talk angry people [with guns] off the ledge of parking-rage. There's never a time when Jess doesn't see the good in people: "Maybe no one's ever been nice to him. Maybe violence is his only tool to express himself."
- It's revealed that Jess' sunny disposition was perhaps shaped by incidents in her youth, such as strange men pulling their vans up alongside her on a pavement, so that their grandmother can give Jess candy.
- Schmidt thinks that people have a sadness centre that pools up beneath your belly-button.
- This week's pick-up line of the week comes courtesy of Schmidt [in conversation with Cece]: "Oh, come on, don't you ever wear jeans? You honestly look like you should be distracting James Bond at a baccarat table."
- And you can always count on Schmidt to follow-up the above with something along the likes of a rant on unsexyness: "What if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig? What if I called my mom after sex and described it to her? What if I had a croissant blog?"
- And lastly, here are Schmidt's New Year's Resolutions from 2007 [which include many multiple lessons, within more lessons]:
Everything is easy when you are a battleship invading the bay of success.
Stop pursuing Caroline. She's Nick's girl. Deal with it.
Begin the search for the cocoon that will one day release your butterfly.
Find out where Winston gets his sparkle and then steal it.
Start floating idea that people call me Mr. Finish / Game Time Jones / The Hook-up-erator.
Just pick a colour of Crocs and buy them already.